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THOUGHTS OF A HOT CHICK: Nice Guys DO Finish Last – The When and How of Her Hot Buttons By Lisa Kalayji You got her number. You had a great time at the bar, and she even had that “come get me” glossy look in her eyes after the second cocktail. She’s back at your place, and you’re ready to go. You start fooling around, and…. nothing. Her excitement level loses its pop faster than a cheap beer, and you’re left with blue balls wondering what the hell happened. This scenario is even worse if it’s with your steady girl – you know how she works, right? So how could this happen? AGAIN? The problem is that you don’t know when, and how, to push her buttons. She wants to help you out, but there seems to be no way to tell you what she wants without implying that you’re a lousy lover, and she doesn’t want to get you down, she just wants to get down. So I’m going to tell you what she wants. Number one: the right time. After she had a long, crappy day at work? Not the right time. When she’s half asleep and your penis is suddenly growing faster than Jack’s beanstalk? Nope. Sex is as much a mental exercise for women as a physical one (often more so). If she’s not in the right frame of mind, it won’t matter how much blood is flowing to her clitoris. Not happening. If she’s really stressed or tired, that will trump her sex drive, even if she was ready to jump you an hour ago before something came up to make her angry, worried, or otherwise un-sexual. Help her out. Before you jump in with full-throttle foreplay, put her mind in sex mode. Play some music you know she likes (or you think she’ll like, if you just met her). Not too sappy, not too raunchy. Dim the lights. Take off an article of clothing – just to give her a peek at what she wants to see the rest of. If you know her well enough to know which body part will do it for her best (and no, it’s not your penis), all the better, and if you don’t, feel free to ask her. Number two: take your time. Surely you all know by now how important foreplay is to her (and if you don’t, you’d better start taking notes), but just as important as having foreplay is doing it well. You’re not going to rev her engine by rushing through the foreplay as an irksome necessity the way you rushed through dinner to get to dessert when you were eight. Relish the foreplay. Make her believe that you enjoy it, and the best way to do that is to actually enjoy it. Play with her whole body, not just the self-lubricating parts. Kiss her legs. Play with her hair. The longer you take to get to the boobs and vagina (and let’s face it, that’s where you really want to be), the more wild for it she’ll be when you do. There is no way to over-state how true this is – patience is the greatest sex virtue. Number three: understand her orgasm. There are a few parts to this. The first is that there is a very small chance of it happening from penile penetration alone. Most women are physically incapable of reaching orgasm without clitoral stimulation (and no, the foreplay doesn’t count - it has to continue during intercourse, whether you’re the one doing the handiwork or she is – the bonus is that having you touch her or watching her touch herself can be hot hot hot). She’ll also probably take longer to get there than you, which is another reason why foreplay is so important. If you get her a big part of the way there before you’re even inside her, you won’t have to hold out for as long once you’re there. So don’t rush to the finish line – nice guys finish last! Do your best to get her first, not because her pleasure matters more than yours, but because hers is an elusive prey that needs to be pursued diligently! You should also know what she’s been trying to tell you for, well, forever – it’s okay if she doesn’t orgasm every time. And by okay I don’t mean the way it’s okay if you lose the big game, as long as you did your best. I mean she can still have had an amazing time even if she didn’t orgasm. That doesn’t mean that you don’t need to care about her orgasm anymore, but it does mean that when she says she enjoyed every minute anyway, believe her! Some days she will know before you ever get started that it just isn’t going to happen for her, but having you inside her still feels great, so enjoy the ride! |
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